For my first blog post, I thought I'd bring up a somewhat taboo subject in the H!P community: HALATION SUMMER
The mere mention of the song creates images in the brain of children crying, riots breaking out in the streets of Los Angeles, and pain for everybody involved. It's rumoured that, in fact, Satan heard this song, and began hysterically weeping while surrendering his throne of Hell to Coconuts Musume. Where else would April have gone?
So many people wonder this: What were you thinking, Makoto and Tsunku? Well, in order to accurately trace this, we must date back to ancient Egyptian times.
According to Egyptian cult belief in Heliopolis, the deity Atum created the universe. Of course, Atum was a badass, so he could impregnate himself, which led to the birth of the god Shu and the goddess Tefnut. What many people don't know, however, is that a third god was created on this day! And this god's name was Tsunku.
Tsunku was the most powerful god of the three, but Atum asked of Tsunku; "I beg of you! Please wait until the dawn of an economic miracle! When you are born and are strong enough you may take vengeance on the world, but until then please seal your power." And so Tsunku complied with the creator of the universe, sealing himself away until 1968 when Japan's powerful economic times were in full swing.
But in order to take revenge on the world, he would need assistance. He crafted four demi-gods from his flesh, naming them Hatake, Taisei, Shu and Makoto as well as forming the religious movement known as Sharan Q. While Shu would be slain during a contest between gods, his other demi-gods were still willing. The most willing of all, however, would be Makoto.
Makoto, seeking Tsunku's goal of vengeance for years of imprisonment, traveled to Hawaii and captured five Hawaiian teenagers during a concert at their local bar. This was during Morning Musume's rise, so this would be the perfect opportunity! He offered them to his leader Tsunku, who would name them "Coconuts Musume." While many think this is a reference to Hawaii, Coconuts actually was a term used for loud ravenous harpies during their time.
And so, Tsunku would enact his vengeance. He would craft Summer Night Town and promote this as their lead single, but at the last moment make Halation Summer the lead single. Thousands of suicides were reported within 24 hours, and this would be known in Japan's history as "Dark Friday." Coincidentally, this would lead to an increase of rapes, robberies, and murders in the US. While this was initially blamed on Woodstock 1999, the US Government would cover up the existence of Halation Summer using all of their power.
Now you know! And knowing is half the battle.
Why do I even write a satire blog read more
on Halation Summer