In what is being called Tsunku's most controversial decision since adding Mitsui Aika to Morning Musume above Kikkawa Yuu, the big man in charge has decided to introduce the new Taiwanese group Frances and Aiko to Hello! Project. However, there's a reason this is a controversial move: Their ages.
At only 8 and 6 years old, Frances and Aiko are currently the oldest members to be introduced into Hello! Project. Why introduce such old members at this point in the game?
Let's look at some sales numbers. In the H!P game, age is everything. Matsuura Aya is one of the highest selling solo artists in H!P, but her sales have declined with an increase of age. Same goes with Natsumi Abe, Yuuko Nakazawa, Maeda Yuki, and Goto Maki. For those keeping track at home, Maki's highest selling single was at her youngest age. In order for this group to be successful, they need to appeal to the older masses. Fujimoto Miki successfully did this with her single Okitegami, which despite having low first week sales kept on kicking and even ended up outselling Kusumi Koharu's newest singles. Again, it's all about age.
So what could H!P have done differently? Unless this group is a folk songs group, I doubt that they're going to find much success. They are simply too old to be successful, and are going to be relegated to the sidelines faster than you can say "Oh god, is it legal to watch this?" If Tsunku had gone with younger members, say a three and a five year old, this group could have sold millions. It is truly a shame that Tsunku is going to waste resources on a group that is just are too aged to be successful.
I'd like to take a moment to address underrated Hello! Project members. The members you really don't see a lot of, but are there anyhow!
This first person is one almost nobody has heard of, but has been in H!P since around 2000. That's dedication! Not only that, they are the single Hello! Project member from the Elder Club who are not graduating this Spring, and that person is Shaniqua Aroma. Shaniqua Aroma? Who the hell is that?
Don't see her? Come on, she's right in the middle of the screen at times. Around the 13-second mark. She's even singing that beautiful yodeling!
See her now? Good!
Shaniqua Aroma was a young singer and dancer who was performing in Chicago when an in-training Ruru discovered her. Ruru brought Shaniqua back with her to Japan, who successfully passed one of Tsunku's auditions. She would later gain success through the Tokonatsu Musume music video, being a back-up singer, most notably for the chorus of Joshi Kashimashi Monotagari, and moonlighting in heavy make up as Berryz Koubou member Sudou Maasa! Although not many people know about her she is one of the best artists in Hello! Project period.
For my first blog post, I thought I'd bring up a somewhat taboo subject in the H!P community: HALATION SUMMER
The mere mention of the song creates images in the brain of children crying, riots breaking out in the streets of Los Angeles, and pain for everybody involved. It's rumoured that, in fact, Satan heard this song, and began hysterically weeping while surrendering his throne of Hell to Coconuts Musume. Where else would April have gone?
So many people wonder this: What were you thinking, Makoto and Tsunku? Well, in order to accurately trace this, we must date back to ancient Egyptian times.
According to Egyptian cult belief in Heliopolis, the deity Atum created the universe. Of course, Atum was a badass, so he could impregnate himself, which led to the birth of the god Shu and the goddess Tefnut. What many people don't know, however, is that a third god was created on this day! And this god's name was Tsunku.
Tsunku was the most powerful god of the three, but Atum asked of Tsunku; "I beg of you! Please wait until the dawn of an economic miracle! When you are born and are strong enough you may take vengeance on the world, but until then please seal your power." And so Tsunku complied with the creator of the universe, sealing himself away until 1968 when Japan's powerful economic times were in full swing.
But in order to take revenge on the world, he would need assistance. He crafted four demi-gods from his flesh, naming them Hatake, Taisei, Shu and Makoto as well as forming the religious movement known as Sharan Q. While Shu would be slain during a contest between gods, his other demi-gods were still willing. The most willing of all, however, would be Makoto.
Makoto, seeking Tsunku's goal of vengeance for years of imprisonment, traveled to Hawaii and captured five Hawaiian teenagers during a concert at their local bar. This was during Morning Musume's rise, so this would be the perfect opportunity! He offered them to his leader Tsunku, who would name them "Coconuts Musume." While many think this is a reference to Hawaii, Coconuts actually was a term used for loud ravenous harpies during their time.
And so, Tsunku would enact his vengeance. He would craft Summer Night Town and promote this as their lead single, but at the last moment make Halation Summer the lead single. Thousands of suicides were reported within 24 hours, and this would be known in Japan's history as "Dark Friday." Coincidentally, this would lead to an increase of rapes, robberies, and murders in the US. While this was initially blamed on Woodstock 1999, the US Government would cover up the existence of Halation Summer using all of their power.
Now you know! And knowing is half the battle.
Recent Comments
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Alita said:
I' really don't get why so many people hate this song (or Coconuts for that matter, but them I brush... read more
on Halation Summer
Why do I even write a satire blog read more
on Halation Summer